Walkin For A Cure.(Please Read)

OK all,so as you see I am writing in a different color today. Well there is a reason for that and I am just thrilled to share it with you.

See I get the opportunity to do walk for a great cause but a horrible disease. I am doing a walk called Relay For Life. Some of you may have heard of this but if you haven't let me tell you about it. Relay For Life is a cancer walk. People from all over the place get together and form teams just like I did. Then those teams raise money for cancer and all the money that the teams get goes to finding a cure for cancer. Them we all get together and walk.

You can walk for however long you want. Since the event is from 6pm to 6am you could walk all night if you want.

I have never done this event before so I am a little nervous but  also amazed how so many people are coming together to walk for such an amazing cause. People come from all over America and I even have friend that are coming down from Canada to walk on my team which I love them for do this . This event is something I think everyone should do at least once in their lives.

It's truly a heart warming event and I am sure that it's gonna be amazing. I am team captain for my team so I picked what I wanted my team name to be which is The Forever Fighters. .

Don't worry all I will be posting so many photos so stand by for some amazing photos...  If you want to learn more about this walk and what it's all about please check out. RelayForLife.Org

Are You Gonna Catch Me Or Not.(A must Read)

Sorry all,I stole the title of my post from a song but,it really relates to my post today. 
You know it's been crazy lately. I just now get to take a deep breath and breath and get my head on straight and get my thought on what I have been thinking about lately on paper so bare with me if I get a little off topic.

We all have safety nets. No,I am not talking about actually talking about actual safety nets. No,the kind of safety nets that I am talk about is ones that stay with you forever,no matter what happens. See, for 21 years I had amazing safety nets. Now I am going to be honest and say that I have never had my parents as safety nets,so in place of them I have my grandparents.

A couple of days after I wrote the post "The Loss Of A Great Man"  I realized that I wrote about how much I miss my grandfather but,what I didn't  tell you in that post is how much he was my safety net..

It's weird because for 21 years he has always been there. Taking care of me in every way that he can,both him and my grandmother . When he passed away it didn't hit me that my safety net was gone until a couple of days ago. Now maby it's just me and maby I'm just nuts but lately I have been feeling sorry for myself.

I have been thinking that he is  not here any more so now 1/2 of my safety net is gone and I am lost .. But then after talking with my other part of my safety net,which is my grandmother I got to thinking on how even know he is not here doesn't mean that he is gone. He is still keeping me safety and when I fall he is there to pick me up.

Like I said,everyone of us has a safety net. For me  it is my grandfather and my grandmother.   For others even if we do not realize it ,it could be  even a total stranger.Or it could be someone more that we know like,a husband,or your sons or daughters,or friends or maby just a co worker or even someone who has passed on. Who ever your safety net is keep them close to your hearts.

Make sure that if you know who your safety net is that you love them and spend that amazing time with them.  Also realize that even if you think that  your safety net is gone,remember that their not. Their always with you. See safety nets are not like money or anything else.  It's not something that can be taken away from you no matter how hard anyone tries. Safety nets are their  to stay.

If I can teach anything from this post it's don't do what I did to myself. Don't ever think that your alone. I blamed myself for a while when my pawpaw (grandfather) died . I though I was alone. I didn't take that time to see that my safety net is still here.  So do your self's a favor and  make sure that you love your safety nets. and remember that people are here when you need them to be.

Pilliow Talk.

So,in the last few days it seems me and my body have not been connecting with my brain. I just cannot sleep any more and I can' t figure out why. Although I have never had a good sleep pattern,even when I was younger and even through college it seems now,it's even worse.

I have just come to the conclusion that maby my brain is dosen't like me and that's why it will not allow my eyes to get some sleep. Now we all know that everyone has of corse different sleep pattens but with mying it seems like I can never get to sleep

It's like my brain and my eyes are having a 24 hour party . I have tried so many things to get me to sleep  like,hot tea,hot coffee, aromatherphy,even those jell mask. nothing seems to work. Well,hopefully I can get some sleep tonigh because my booty is tired and this women needs sleep. So for tonight all good night,hope everyone including myself can get some sleep.

Life's Little Mircle Baby.

Ok all, these are must see photos. I love this little boy and I could not be anymore happy with him. I got to love him so take a look.

This little boy is amazing his name is Kaleb. He weighted in at 7 pounds 14 ounces and 19 inches long.
I think I have tooken about a million pictures of him and probably a little more. He was born at 12:28pm in the morning right after dinner time which is great. . Oh and before anyone ask he is not mying, he is my cosin who I am helping to raise. You know the harderst part looking at these photos ,the hardest part is looking at them and knowing my grandfather did not get to see him.  God he would have loved him and that's something that I wish he could have done.  Just like the other day,when  he was up all night crying because of an upset stomach the one  person that I know could have got him to stop cryin is my grandfather .Just like he did with me he would have just sat him on his lap and rocked him to sleep.  I see a lot of that in Kaleb.  He is just so amazing.  I am bascially helpping to raise that baby,but you know what, to tell you the truth I would not have it any other way. my cosin lives me so of corse I get to see him everyday and show him the way of life.  I hope that you all like the photos, please look at them and tell me what you all think.

Should Have Seen It In Color.

"Go rest  high on that mountain, son your work on earth is done.. Go to heaven  a shoutin for the father and the son. Oh how we cried the day you left us. We gathered round your grave to grieve, wish I could see the angles faces,when they hear your sweet voice sing."

Sorry I stole this title of this post from  a song,but it fit this blog.  The lyrics that I posted up top of the page here sums my  Grandfather (or as I always called him  PawPaw) up like no other.  You know as I wrote my last post called " The Lost Of A Great Man" I keep thinking  to my self that this all feels like a dream. Kinda like any minuet now I was gonna wake up and  see him setting on his old blue rocking chair. As I woke up today that wasn't the case,and in fact that will never be the case again.

When I woke this morning I felt like I seen everything in black and white. I felt like my life was a movie  that had no color.  Now as I am here writing this blog to you all, I am also here on the couch looking at these photos from back when.

As, I look at these photos in this old shoe box,a movie projector  is playing over in my mind, of my family and my grandfather  and those memories that they bring back. As people look at these photos you can imagine how nice those memories are, the best thing is I got to see those photos  in color.

I got to live those memories,  I got to see them in a way that no one else did, which is something that no one can ever take away from me.

So, where everyone looks and sees those photos  as just a memory,I have and always will see those  memories in color. 

Those memories are something that will  be with me forever.   Those memories are the best presents that I could have ever gotten.

If there is one lesson  that I could ever give to anyone it's take life and live those memories in color, and not just in black in white although those memories are amazing as well,it's better in color AND also remember  that those memories that you have are something that  nobody can ever take away.


"This is a memorial to my grandfather.  PawPaw, I am taking those memories that  I made with you and the family and seeing them in color".

The Loss Of A Great Man.

Today my family lost a great man. Today Feb 17,2012 We lost my grandfather. He passed away from cancer  and it has been so hard.  My family has really been in such  a horrible moon with the loss off  my grandfather.

I loved and still love my grandfather. It's only been a couple of hours since my grandfather passed away and I already feel like he has been gone for so long. I love him like crazy. I dont know what I am gonna do without my pawpaw.

My grandfather fough till the very end. He tried and tried but the cancer got the best of him. This is such a hard day and I dont know how I am gonna get through this.  This is one of the worst days of my life. The only thing that I can say is that he had a strong women standing beside  him. My grandmother stood and  fought for my grandfather.

Losing my grandfather is so hard. It's hard because I wasn't there to see him at the very end. Even know he passed away at home i still did not get to say good-bye in till the very end which is the hardiest thing because I blame my self for not being there.

Losing a family member is so bad expecially when it's your grandfather.
I don't know what else to say except for I feel like crap.
I love you pawpaw.  No one can replace you and no one ever will. 
Sorry all but this is not a very happy pos

The Snow Globe Effect.

Sorry all for the late post but I have had a million things going on And it's just crazy. The most important thing is I am here now. So let me Go ahead with this post. So lately I have had a million things going on with my life. It's kinda life I have been on a Roller coaster. Actually,for the past couple of ,mounts its been like this but lately I have Had some weird emotions. These are feelings that I have never felt before and to be quite honst It scares me. Have you ever look into a snow globe and though "wow, I wounder what it would be like to be in there". Ok,that's what I have been looking into for the past couple of weeks. Now when I say I have been looking into A snow globe I don't mean an actual snow globe.What I mean is a snow globe of my life and all that is in it. Every time I look into this snow globe and shake it up I wounder "why". I wounder why every time I watch this Snow globe all I can see is something bad happening. I always though they showed something good,but my snow globe Lately has been showing me scary things and it's freaky. To be honst the reason that I am writing this post is because I have my grandfather who is very sick,and not Only that but I have work where I go and work 7 days a week, and to be truthful it's just all to much. I feel like I am standing around outside the world and shaking it up only to watch everybody else live there lives. I just don't know anymore,. I'm so confused and I just wish for once that someone would shake up my snow Globe only to find me in it and to find smiles and happiness. Sorry all, this is not a very happy post but I had to get it off my chest and let it out. I'm trying to turn my snow globe from a negative to a positive. I promise my next post will be happier and more Positive. Thanks all for letting me get this all off my chest.

Tough Love

Ok,so I got a question for all of you that I need some help on. If you had a friend with a problem how would you handle it? Would you sit back and just let it happen or would you try to get involved and help this person even know you don't know how?

I have a friend that has a very bad drinking problem. He is a great person when he doesn't drink. But when he does it scares me because he is just not the same person.I am afraid that he is gonna drink to much and do something stupid.

He says he has got it under control but I know different. If I try to stop him he is going to be mad at me for life. But if I don't stop him I could still lose him for life and it would kill me if that happen.

I have said something to him before and he just got mad at me.I have tried to talk to someone about it and they all tell me the same thing which is that they don't know what to do. So I have come to my blog friends in I need of some help. Should I tak the chance. Of losing my friend and help him or just let him. Work it out on his own. Someone help me out cuz I am not sure what to do.

There is a song that I have been thinking about its lyrics are amazing. Hope. You like them.

"When your week,I'll be strong When you let go I'll hold you,

When you need to cry I swear that I will there to dry your eyes ,

When your lost and scared to death when you can't take one more

Step,just take my hand and together we can do this ,

I'm gonna love you through this."

I'm Back.

Yes all, it's true I am back and ready to write. Sorry I have not posted in so long but I have been super busy,and my computar is being dumb. Gotta love technology right. Anyways, I have so much to say and don't know where to start.

SO, I guess I will start with Christmas. Christmas was amazing, I hope everyone else's was as well and 2012 has started all. I can't believe it. WOW! It seems like it was just the beginning of 2011 and now it's 2012 that just kill's me. I have decided that I am going into 2012 with bells on. I am going to start the new year on a positive outlook.

Wow,another thing that has happened is that I have been working so much. Yes,that's right I have more hours. Not like I didn't have enought RIGHT. Now,I work 7 days a week and I am so beat. That is why I have not been writting,well that and like I said my computar has not been working. I thing I might have killed it. OOPS.

Anyways, this is all for now but I will be back in a day or so . I just can't stay away any longer. So I should say for tonight that is all. Night all.

Peace Tree.

ok so as we all know Christmas is upon us then 2012. I love Christmas and all it's worth. From the smells and sights to the colors and the fun little decorations and lets not forget the all important Tree.

Yes the tree, one of the most important decorations I believe. This year instead of having just a tree with all my beautiful colors on them and amazing little bulbs decided have a little bit of a different tree this year. This year I decided to have a peace tree.

I love my peace tree. I decided to do a PEACE tree for a couple of different reason. The main one being that in 2012 that is what I want the most and not only for myself but for my family,friends and everyone and even for my pets. I want peace in the world and in my life and just in the air.

I just love my peace tree. with it's white lights and white sparkle icyle lights and the light blue bulbs and gold star my peace tree is amazing I think. . If I could post pictures I would but my camera is now broken. SO,I guess for now your gonna just have to use your mind to picture what it looks like.

Marry Christmas everyone,And Happy 2012 and many this year bring PEACE to us all.

Wet And Wild.

So yes I am back. It's been crazy since I have gotten back from the beach but I am back now, and ready to tell so here we go.

Yes,its true that I just got back from the beach. I got to spend 3 nights in 3 different ocean front beach houses and it was amazing. I love it. It was one of those vacations where you wish it would never end. I got to walk in the sand and see the sun go down,and I even swan in the water,and YES I know it was November but you all didn't think that I was going all the way to the beach and not swim,I don't think so. I just had to swim. To say the least now it was so amazing and I miss it so much. Besides the fact I have got a horrible cold SO , Here is some of my pictures of my beach journey. ENJOY

I miss the beach so bad and would love to go back today if I could but I can't. These pics are just some of many that I took. The rest I still have to up load but I promise they will be on here so. oh beach how I miss you and the very cold water.

Learning Never Stops.

It's weird to me. This crazy world and all it's about. From what we learn about life to what we learn in life and what we learn about our self's.

See,I have always though that I knew everything about myself and what I was all about . I mean how could I not know everything about my self right. WRONG. It has took me a while to figure this out but I think I have finally figured out who I am in life and everything about my life . Now don't get me wrong I am sure that there is so much more that I am missing about myself but right now I know more about myself than I did when I was younger.

My whole life I feel like my I have been on a quest to find out where life is going to take me and to try and figure out what I am all about. Of course I know my name and such but now I know so much more. Now I think I have found in which I have been searching for.

Now, I know what kind of person I am instead of what kind of person I want to be . Now I know that I can be so much more than what I think I can be,which is what my grandparents and friends have been telling me my whole life. I know now that I am so much more in life that what I ever wanted to be .

SO,if you ask me who I am or to describe myself I would say: I am young women trying to make it in life,I am a very deep,kindhearted person who cares about her friends and family and who loves to help people.I know that now I want to help people in life which is what I do in my job and love doing it. I am a very simple and quite person .

Again, I still have more to figure out but for now I think it's a good start. So if you had to describe your self what would you say. I am challenging everyone to do this and really see if you know your selves as well as you think you might.

Nervouse Nelly.

I'm back and ready to write,so here we go. This week has been crazy from work to now getting ready to go to the beach. Yes,that's right I am going to the beach in November. I know that's a little weird for me to take a vacation in November and to the beach is even more strange of me but let me explain.

I am not going to the beach by my self. In fact I am going to the beach with my church to hear a great speaker. Now,my thing is I kind of have a fear of this. No,not going to the beach or anything just being with that many people 24/7.

I don't know why am so nervous. I totally trust these people and think of them as family because they are all my age and I have known them for a while now so why am I just so nervous about going?

Don't get me wrong. I love to be around people. I really do love people and love to have people near me but not all the time especially at night. At night I am very much just a me person,which means I like to be by myself and just chill at night. At night my cell phone,I pod ,and tv goes off and I am by myself with no one around. So when I go on this beach trip I am going to have someone around me all the time which Yes spooks me.

I know it kind of sounds dumb and weird but I can't help it. I have been like this for so long. It sounds so dumb to be nervous about being around people but I am . Anyways the second week in November I will be writing from the beach so it should be great.

Busy Day, Busy Nights.

Ok, todays post is going to be kind of short but oh well it's a post,but I promise I will be back towmorry with a longer post.

Work latley has just bee crazy. I work basially everyday and I get busy we all do sometimes. With me it seem like latley I have been busy day in and day out. I feel like work has caught up with me and you know what,I am just tired. I really truly am. I need a vaction,who else is with me on this on?

It's not that my job is even that hard. It's the fact that I work all the time. No,really all the time. 7 days a week 50 hrs a week. Anyways,I told you all this is just my tired post. Towmorry will be so much better. I promise you on this one. Ok,Im going to bed anyways have a good night everyone.

Direct Me Not.

Ok,so I have to admit that I do not know directions to save my life. Of course I know my left from my right and things like that,I just don't know street names or at least I can't remember them.

If any of you have ever read my blog, you will see that I forget . A LOT. I will forget to put in words where they need to be,or forget what I am talking about things like that,anyways you get the point I forget things so it's only natural that I forget names or streets and sometimes just for a second where I am going. It's like when I get in my car to go somewhere my brain goes out the window and my mind empties which is not always a bad thing if you think about it for a second.

People ask me all the time where certain things are or they will ask me the name of a certain streets and I have to be honest with them and tell them " that I have no idea". Then once I do tell them that I have no idea I get it followed by the evil glare followed by the strange look on their faces,like I should know where places are. I am not an information booth so I really don't know.

It's not my fault that I don't know places or things are all the time. I forget, I am human and us humans do tend to forget sometimes. Give you it's some more than others but yes we all forget sometimes.

The only way that I can tell you where things are at or street names is by tell you what they are close too. And yes I know that this bad memory of mying is not a good sign for the future so that's why I am going to make the best out of my memory now why I still can.

So all in all we all forget it happens. The thing that I always tell people is that if you do not like the way I give directions then you have to choices. Number one: you can find it yourself. or number two: you can take the directions that I gave you and be happy with them. Remember I'm not an information booth so if you don't want the directions I give you here is a piece of advice don't ask.

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

You ever feel like the days and weeks have just vanished. I have and today especially It has been one of the days where I feel like it has just vanished. Disappeared right in front of my eyes. I don't know where the days goes anymore or the weeks for that matter.

It's funny in a way to me. Before I got my job that I have now, I use to sit and wish that the days and weeks would go by faster just so I would not have to deal with them. Now I look at days and weeks and wish that they would slow down just so I could catch up with them.

I feel like I have missed so much in life. Maby not family things or important events, I just mean life and all it's beauty that's in it. It seems now that when I want everything to just slow down they speed up,then POOF there gone.

My Grandfather always said when I was growing up " Don't rush life because if you do,then it's like a fast moving train and it will never slow down or stop". I never thought much about what he said till now. Today for some odd reason I have been thinking about it a lot. It's like it's stuck in my mind now.

So,I believe that I am going to take his advice and just slow down. In this world I feel like if you take life to fast then it will go to fast and you miss out on so much. Remember,you can't turn back time we can just make the future slower.

It's Time For A Change.

I think it's time for another change. Lately I feel like I have been headed in this weird direction that life wants to take me,and honestly I think it might be a good idea.

Since I am on my own now,and have a great career on my hands maby it is time for another change in my life. Who knows maby it's nothing major that I am going to change or maby it is,what ever it is I am sure that It will be so great to see.

I think we all get like this sometimes or at least once in our lives,where we feel like we are just ready for that next step in life,and that next big move. It's kind of great feeling knowing that you have so much more in life than what we see right now.

I know in my life there is so much more up the road,and although I would never rush life,I just can't wait to see what is waiting for me,weather that would be getting married(which I hope very soon for),or a family or what whatever it may be it will be great.

Honestly I do not ever know what I am just now having these thoughts now,I think since I moved out and graduated college and got my very own place, it's only fitting that I think about something like this.

Well, who knows all I know is there is a great world out there,with room to grow and be free and express ourselves and it's only a matter to something changes.

My Night In The Stars.

I think I have said before, I love looking up at the stars. I can't help it,it's like a drug for me. I'm guilty, arrest me. For me the stars are just another way of escaping this crazy but yet amazing world when I need it.

I remember when I was little, my friends and I would go out in my back yard and lay a blanket out on the grass and just watch the stars. We would always try and make shapes with the starts . When we looked up and seen the stars, we would see all kinds of shapes and sizes.That's one good thing about the stars. When you are younger they can be so much excitement. Well at least for me they were.

Even now I am crazy about them. In fact when I have day where I have things on my mind or if I just need a quite place to write, I sit under the starts and just gaze at them.

I know it sounds weird,and for a lot of people it is but I can't help that I am obsessed with the stares. They are so beautiful and just amazing.

I had friend ask me one time " Why do you like the stars so much,they are just a bunch of little dots,and it's not like it's an amazing piece of art work or something"? Which I came back with " Yes they are art work, If you would take the time to look at them then you would know,and second keep your opinion to your self".

Stars are great, sometimes I think people don't take the time to just sit for a second and look up at them. I am not saying that you have to adore them like I do,but just look at them,even if it's just for a few seconds.

Stop The World.

Anyone who know me, knows that I just love my job and love to work . Work for me has always been a way for me to kinda of escape if that makes any sense at all. I know that it sounds weird but it really is kinda of an escape, maby that just show that I love my job but who knows.

Although I love my work and family and friends and things around me there are often times where I feel like I am just worn down and need to tell the world to stop for a second while I catch my breath. I hope I am not the only one who feels like this,I don't honestly think that I am. I think that there are many times where we all need to just tell the world to just STOP for a second.

I guess with work and everything going on around me it would be nice to have some time where I could just catch up with the world and with myself. Now please don't get me wrong,I have a wonderful life,and it's full of amazing things and amazing people but I just feel like I am worn down.

Wouldn't it be great,if we could tell the world to just stop for a second and to hold on. I wouldn't want to it to stop forever, just for a second. Long enough for me to just take a breath and go back to real life. I have thought about this for a long time,and always wanted to do a post about it,and I figured today was the day to do it. Thanks for anyone who reads this and to any one that follows me.