Please Stop The Music.

Every since i was in high school, i have never liked,loud music. For some reason ,everytime i here loud music i kind of freck out.

I dont like music up when i am driving,or cleaning my room, or even in reastraunts. Now, when i say i freck out, i dont mean i run away and scream,no. When i hear something thats loud I basically shut down and just get away from it.

I don't even know why i do that,and what ever turned,me off about loud music. I just don't like it, pure and simple as that., i keep,my music down just enough for me,myself and i to hear it.

I know, i am kind of weird,and expecially when it comes to things like that,but it drives me crazy . I told you i'm nuts.

What Stuff????

As well all know, Christmas was just yesterday and yes I got quite a lot of things. The thing that I find about my self is that after Christmas I find myself woundering where in this world I am going to put all of my new things.

I am very blessed in that, I have a lot of family. With a lot of family comes a lot of things that they give me. Like  I just got a new computer. Now I love my new computer but now I don't know where I am  going to put my old one. I hate to throw it away because all It needs is to be fixed and have viruses removed but if I don't get rid of it I have no where to put my new one.

See, what I mean I have way to much stuff.  I don't want my friends and family to think that I am not thankful for everything that they give me, I just don't know what else to do with my stuff.. I wounder if anyone else has this problem. and if you do what is your solution to this, Trust me I  can use all  the help you can give me. Any takers.

My Computar OOPS

So as you all might have noticed, I have not been on my blog for a while, that's because my computer have failed me yet again.

I have the worst luck with computers and technology ever. This is not the first time that my computer has failed me it won't be the last time im sure. I should just be banned from all technology

I am getting a computer for Christmas but, I don't believe that I will be able to do anymore post until Christmas, maybe, it just depends on my computer. it just has a mind of its own.

I miss not posting, so after I get a new computer I'm going to post the way. I'm going to go post crazy. hopefully I'm not the only one without a computer oops or technology oops.

Where Do You See Your Self In 10 Years?

When I was in middle school I wrote a paper about where I would be in 10 years. Well the other day, while cleaning out some things from my closet I found that paper again and decided to do a  post about it so here we go.

When I read that old paper I had wrote i had some things that I have not done and some things that have come true. One of the things that I had wrote down on there was  that I would be in Italy in 10  years . Why Italy I don't know maby I just really liked Italy but it was on the paper. To say the least that has not come true but I have been some great places.

"So,with me 10 years I could have seen my self  in some different country like Italy or France or some wild country like that. Although that has not come true,I am almost relived  because it has turned into something else. Something more amazing. It has turned into me staying close to my family and friends. I think if I would have moved away to some country it would have gotten me apart from my family and friends and land that I love and that's something that I would not want to do in a million years. And even know I have not been able to go to some other far away country I have been to some amazing places and that's still and adventure. SO maby me not following my past 10  year plan was not a bad  thing. Somethings just work out for the best I think. Now to make a new 10 year plan lets see what I come up with this time".

 So the question that I am asking everyone today is 10 years ago what would you have seen your self doing or being and has where you seen your self being come true or turned into something else?

Let It Fall.

As you all know,fall is coming as we speck. I love this time of yeah,from the colors of the tree leaves changing to the smells in the air,and the breeze in the air makes it even better. This is the time of the year when I love to just take a walk in the outside with the cool breeze though my hair.

I always have such amazing memories of this time of year. Expecailly when I was little. Every fall when the leaves would fall from the trees my grandfather would go outside and take me with and he would have this old green rake and he would give me a little wooden one and we would rake the leave up together.Well more like he would rake them up and I would stand there.But after he would rake them up into a big,huge pile then I would jump in them.. That was always so much fun.

I love all the other times of the years but fall and winter is one of my faviorts,and I am sure I am not the only w ho loves the fall. So I have told you all my faviorte memories from the fall. SO,now I wanna know some faviorte memories.

Real Life In A Song.

I have been thinking a lot about music latley and how the words in a song can really compare to peoples lives. With so many different choices of music out there from country to hip hop to rock and roll to just the oldies im sure that everyone out there has a song that they can realate too or a song that the words just inspire them. If I could have one song that would inspire me it would be A song called" I'm Gonna Be Somebody". The words are great and inspires me and lets me know that there are endless possiblitys for me in this world.

So My question for you all are if you all had to pick just one song that you could relate too or just  that inspires you what would it be and why?

The Best Movies Ever.

I have been thinking about this alot. If I had the ability to transport myself into any of my faviorte movies what would it be and why.. I decided that If I had that ability to do that I would transport myself in the "Alice And Wounderland" the cartoon version not the Tim Burton directed one although Tim Burton is good at what he does  I still like the cartoon one better.

Thank about this for a second. That would be so cool. I would love to be in "Alice And Wounderland" how cool would that be. I could fall down a whole into a magical land and fight the red queen,talk to flowers  and even see a rabbit with a cool little clock.

Yeah I know im kinda of a dork. But oh well I love my movies and expecially this one. I don't know what it is about this movie,maby it;s the magical whole and talking to a rabbit that I think is cool or maby its the cool little ability that  I would have to talk to flowers I don't know or maby it's because I really am nuts.  Any way  you look at it,it would still be cool.

I'm sure I can't be the only one who wishes that they would be transported into their faviorte movie. So my question to you all are if you had one movie that you wish you could be transported into which one would it be and why. Thank hard.

MY BLANK CANVAS BODY.

As you all know,I have a tattoo. No it's nothing bad and yes I love it. It's so beautiful and amazing and I consider it a piece of art. It's nothing big and it does mean something..

Lately I have had some of my friends and family asking me,why I got my tattoo on my shoulder and why did I want it on my body in the first place. Well I though here would be the perfect place to through around this question.

In my brain,I look at things a little weird but I have a good reason to . In my mind I look at my tattoo as a piece of beautiful art. I also look at art differently as well. I consider art to be a major part of this earth that we are living on.  The way that I see it, art is all around it. We see art in the trees and in the air,why not on people.

Now,don't get me wrong when I say I would not want tattoos all over although I would not think badly of people who do have them all over. But,why not on people. If art can be all over this world why does' it look so badly when it's  on people.. To me, I am just a  blank canvas waiting to be painted.

So,now that I have thrown around this question I ask you all this question? What do you all think about art? Do you believe tattoos are art ?

My Tattoo Art Work.

So,yeasterday I got me my new tattoo. I love this tattoo,it's such a piece of art and was done by an artist name art which was amazing. It's so beautiful. It took about 1hour and 45 min to two hours which was not bad at all. I would do it over again in a heart beat. I got in on my should blade and I am now in love with my new piece of art work. Hope everyone enjoys the photo of it.

.I LOVE IT . ps: That's the tattoo shop in the back ground..

Fathers Day With A Broken Heart.

Todays post is about fathers day yes but I am afraid its not very happy.. As you all know I have a dad and a mom,but  as you all know I also have my Grandparents who have been like parents to me.

See,this fathers day is hard for me because I lost my Pawpaw in Feb, from cancer. He was my hero. When I woke up this morning and I picked up the phone to call and wish him a Happy Fathers Day,I relized that I couldn't because he was up in heaven. So for this fathers day I though I would post some photos of me and my Pawpaw and remember him that way Even know I know he is always with me,I still wish he was here with me.  So here are the photos and I hope you all enjoy them as much as I had living them.

Me and my Pawpaw . He was teaching me how to put my hair up.

This is a photo of my Pawpaw and my grandmother . This is a younger version of him.

Pawpaw and my  Technical School,gradaction.  That was such a great memory.

This was pawpaw and one of my cosins. he loved all children and animals. He was such a gentle spirt.

 This was my Graduaction from my technical school,with my mawmaw,cosin,and me and my pawpaw

See, these are just some of the photos,that I have with me and my PawPaw. Pawpaw, I miss you  so much. There is not a day that goes by,that I don't wish for one more hug and kiss,or one more story. I am taking care of mawmaw just like I told you I would. I love you pawpaw.. I know you are up there in Heaven, looking down on all of us, and healing my broken heart,when , you may not be here in body,but your always in my heart and that means more to me than a million dollars.. I know your up there In heaven with the father not in pain,, God I wish I could just give you one more hug and kiss.  I love you so much Pawpaw. and I know you have got your arms around my hearts healing the open wounds. I love you pawpaw. Happy Fathers day Pawpaw  up there with the father.,I love you pawpaw..

MEMORIES OF A DIFFERENT TIME.

  The mind is a powerful thing as we all know. With me I have a horrible mind, which is not a good sign for the future but that's a different story. With everyone talking about memories and showing photos,I though it would only be fitting that I talk about memories and photos. No,I will not be posting photos,just because it would only be too hard to pick but I will tell you about my family and how for some odd reason they can remember  photos and stories just by looking at them.


My Great Grandmother on my dads side,who may I remind everyone is in her 90's  has the best story telling mind I think that I have ever seen.  She is one of those people who can sit down and write down every person that I am related too,even if it's back in the olden days or even before her time. She loves to sit down and research this stuff.


When she looks at a photo it's even better.  She can tell you, who was in the photo,where it was taken,why it was taken and even what year it was taken. Don't get me wrong I love looking at photos,but if someone would ask me all of those question about a photo, I don't thing that I would be able to tell you the answers


My Great Grandmother on my moms side was like this as well. Although with her she might be able to tell you about an old photo,but if you would ask her about who I was she could not tell you.,probably because she had Alzheimer's.,still she was very sharp when it came to looking at photos.


Maby it's just me,but it seems like it doesn't matter how old you get,when you look at
photos each one has a story behind them. Photos share memories,and tells up stories upon stories.They make us laugh,they make us cry,and can bring family's closer together when they share the memories that are told upon each one.


With my family,it's always been that every time we would get together with my grandmother,we would get a photo and a memory.With my great grandmothers,they have lived those photos and memories so they know what it was like. Maby that's why they remember so well,or maby it's because in their minds and in their hearts they are reliving those memories if that makes any sense,What ever it is I LOVE that they share those memories with me.


Remember: A Picture is worth a Thousand Words.



.

The Little Voice Inside My Brain.

 Have you ever felt like your just swimming in a sea of stress .  Ever feel like there is someone inside you mind  just making you feel worse. If you have then you know what I feel like today and latley.

Life latley has just been nuts. It almost feels like it's been passing me by in an instance which is weird to me,because it's something that I told my self that I would not let happen .  I feel  like I am trying to juggle two things at once.

I know we all go through stress and difficult time and I  think this week is my week to just be stressed .. My boyfriend is always saying that I stress all the time.  Ok,so I have to stay that I dnt stress all the time,just some of the time. 

Anyways, im looking back on this post and relizing that I keep getting of topic. oops.

My Relay For Life Photos.

So, I told you all that I would have photos to come from my Relay For Life cancer walk  so here they are and I hope you all enjoy them.

This was two candles that I had in memory of my grandfather.

Me and My best friend Panda during the walk.

I love this sign.

These were the bags that had candles burning in them

Me and My friend having way too much fun befor the relay

The photo on the back of my relay shirt

 These are only some of the photos that I took of the relay. It was a very touching walk and I cant wait to do it again next year.  I walked 30 laps frm 6:30pm in the evening to 6:00 at night. I was the only one out of my team to stay all 12 hours and walk through the night, My team called the Forever Fighers  walked 20 laps. I love my team.

Walkin For A Cure.(Please Read)

OK all,so as you see I am writing in a different color today. Well there is a reason for that and I am just thrilled to share it with you.

See I get the opportunity to do walk for a great cause but a horrible disease. I am doing a walk called Relay For Life. Some of you may have heard of this but if you haven't let me tell you about it. Relay For Life is a cancer walk. People from all over the place get together and form teams just like I did. Then those teams raise money for cancer and all the money that the teams get goes to finding a cure for cancer. Them we all get together and walk.

You can walk for however long you want. Since the event is from 6pm to 6am you could walk all night if you want.

I have never done this event before so I am a little nervous but  also amazed how so many people are coming together to walk for such an amazing cause. People come from all over America and I even have friend that are coming down from Canada to walk on my team which I love them for do this . This event is something I think everyone should do at least once in their lives.

It's truly a heart warming event and I am sure that it's gonna be amazing. I am team captain for my team so I picked what I wanted my team name to be which is The Forever Fighters. .

Don't worry all I will be posting so many photos so stand by for some amazing photos...  If you want to learn more about this walk and what it's all about please check out. RelayForLife.Org

Are You Gonna Catch Me Or Not.(A must Read)

Sorry all,I stole the title of my post from a song but,it really relates to my post today. 
You know it's been crazy lately. I just now get to take a deep breath and breath and get my head on straight and get my thought on what I have been thinking about lately on paper so bare with me if I get a little off topic.

We all have safety nets. No,I am not talking about actually talking about actual safety nets. No,the kind of safety nets that I am talk about is ones that stay with you forever,no matter what happens. See, for 21 years I had amazing safety nets. Now I am going to be honest and say that I have never had my parents as safety nets,so in place of them I have my grandparents.

A couple of days after I wrote the post "The Loss Of A Great Man"  I realized that I wrote about how much I miss my grandfather but,what I didn't  tell you in that post is how much he was my safety net..

It's weird because for 21 years he has always been there. Taking care of me in every way that he can,both him and my grandmother . When he passed away it didn't hit me that my safety net was gone until a couple of days ago. Now maby it's just me and maby I'm just nuts but lately I have been feeling sorry for myself.

I have been thinking that he is  not here any more so now 1/2 of my safety net is gone and I am lost .. But then after talking with my other part of my safety net,which is my grandmother I got to thinking on how even know he is not here doesn't mean that he is gone. He is still keeping me safety and when I fall he is there to pick me up.

Like I said,everyone of us has a safety net. For me  it is my grandfather and my grandmother.   For others even if we do not realize it ,it could be  even a total stranger.Or it could be someone more that we know like,a husband,or your sons or daughters,or friends or maby just a co worker or even someone who has passed on. Who ever your safety net is keep them close to your hearts.

Make sure that if you know who your safety net is that you love them and spend that amazing time with them.  Also realize that even if you think that  your safety net is gone,remember that their not. Their always with you. See safety nets are not like money or anything else.  It's not something that can be taken away from you no matter how hard anyone tries. Safety nets are their  to stay.

If I can teach anything from this post it's don't do what I did to myself. Don't ever think that your alone. I blamed myself for a while when my pawpaw (grandfather) died . I though I was alone. I didn't take that time to see that my safety net is still here.  So do your self's a favor and  make sure that you love your safety nets. and remember that people are here when you need them to be.

Pilliow Talk.

So,in the last few days it seems me and my body have not been connecting with my brain. I just cannot sleep any more and I can' t figure out why. Although I have never had a good sleep pattern,even when I was younger and even through college it seems now,it's even worse.

I have just come to the conclusion that maby my brain is dosen't like me and that's why it will not allow my eyes to get some sleep. Now we all know that everyone has of corse different sleep pattens but with mying it seems like I can never get to sleep

It's like my brain and my eyes are having a 24 hour party . I have tried so many things to get me to sleep  like,hot tea,hot coffee, aromatherphy,even those jell mask. nothing seems to work. Well,hopefully I can get some sleep tonigh because my booty is tired and this women needs sleep. So for tonight all good night,hope everyone including myself can get some sleep.

Life's Little Mircle Baby.

Ok all, these are must see photos. I love this little boy and I could not be anymore happy with him. I got to love him so take a look.

This little boy is amazing his name is Kaleb. He weighted in at 7 pounds 14 ounces and 19 inches long.
I think I have tooken about a million pictures of him and probably a little more. He was born at 12:28pm in the morning right after dinner time which is great. . Oh and before anyone ask he is not mying, he is my cosin who I am helping to raise. You know the harderst part looking at these photos ,the hardest part is looking at them and knowing my grandfather did not get to see him.  God he would have loved him and that's something that I wish he could have done.  Just like the other day,when  he was up all night crying because of an upset stomach the one  person that I know could have got him to stop cryin is my grandfather .Just like he did with me he would have just sat him on his lap and rocked him to sleep.  I see a lot of that in Kaleb.  He is just so amazing.  I am bascially helpping to raise that baby,but you know what, to tell you the truth I would not have it any other way. my cosin lives me so of corse I get to see him everyday and show him the way of life.  I hope that you all like the photos, please look at them and tell me what you all think.

Should Have Seen It In Color.

"Go rest  high on that mountain, son your work on earth is done.. Go to heaven  a shoutin for the father and the son. Oh how we cried the day you left us. We gathered round your grave to grieve, wish I could see the angles faces,when they hear your sweet voice sing."

Sorry I stole this title of this post from  a song,but it fit this blog.  The lyrics that I posted up top of the page here sums my  Grandfather (or as I always called him  PawPaw) up like no other.  You know as I wrote my last post called " The Lost Of A Great Man" I keep thinking  to my self that this all feels like a dream. Kinda like any minuet now I was gonna wake up and  see him setting on his old blue rocking chair. As I woke up today that wasn't the case,and in fact that will never be the case again.

When I woke this morning I felt like I seen everything in black and white. I felt like my life was a movie  that had no color.  Now as I am here writing this blog to you all, I am also here on the couch looking at these photos from back when.

As, I look at these photos in this old shoe box,a movie projector  is playing over in my mind, of my family and my grandfather  and those memories that they bring back. As people look at these photos you can imagine how nice those memories are, the best thing is I got to see those photos  in color.

I got to live those memories,  I got to see them in a way that no one else did, which is something that no one can ever take away from me.

So, where everyone looks and sees those photos  as just a memory,I have and always will see those  memories in color. 

Those memories are something that will  be with me forever.   Those memories are the best presents that I could have ever gotten.

If there is one lesson  that I could ever give to anyone it's take life and live those memories in color, and not just in black in white although those memories are amazing as well,it's better in color AND also remember  that those memories that you have are something that  nobody can ever take away.


"This is a memorial to my grandfather.  PawPaw, I am taking those memories that  I made with you and the family and seeing them in color".

The Loss Of A Great Man.

Today my family lost a great man. Today Feb 17,2012 We lost my grandfather. He passed away from cancer  and it has been so hard.  My family has really been in such  a horrible moon with the loss off  my grandfather.

I loved and still love my grandfather. It's only been a couple of hours since my grandfather passed away and I already feel like he has been gone for so long. I love him like crazy. I dont know what I am gonna do without my pawpaw.

My grandfather fough till the very end. He tried and tried but the cancer got the best of him. This is such a hard day and I dont know how I am gonna get through this.  This is one of the worst days of my life. The only thing that I can say is that he had a strong women standing beside  him. My grandmother stood and  fought for my grandfather.

Losing my grandfather is so hard. It's hard because I wasn't there to see him at the very end. Even know he passed away at home i still did not get to say good-bye in till the very end which is the hardiest thing because I blame my self for not being there.

Losing a family member is so bad expecially when it's your grandfather.
I don't know what else to say except for I feel like crap.
I love you pawpaw.  No one can replace you and no one ever will. 
Sorry all but this is not a very happy pos

The Snow Globe Effect.

Sorry all for the late post but I have had a million things going on And it's just crazy. The most important thing is I am here now. So let me Go ahead with this post. So lately I have had a million things going on with my life. It's kinda life I have been on a Roller coaster. Actually,for the past couple of ,mounts its been like this but lately I have Had some weird emotions. These are feelings that I have never felt before and to be quite honst It scares me. Have you ever look into a snow globe and though "wow, I wounder what it would be like to be in there". Ok,that's what I have been looking into for the past couple of weeks. Now when I say I have been looking into A snow globe I don't mean an actual snow globe.What I mean is a snow globe of my life and all that is in it. Every time I look into this snow globe and shake it up I wounder "why". I wounder why every time I watch this Snow globe all I can see is something bad happening. I always though they showed something good,but my snow globe Lately has been showing me scary things and it's freaky. To be honst the reason that I am writing this post is because I have my grandfather who is very sick,and not Only that but I have work where I go and work 7 days a week, and to be truthful it's just all to much. I feel like I am standing around outside the world and shaking it up only to watch everybody else live there lives. I just don't know anymore,. I'm so confused and I just wish for once that someone would shake up my snow Globe only to find me in it and to find smiles and happiness. Sorry all, this is not a very happy post but I had to get it off my chest and let it out. I'm trying to turn my snow globe from a negative to a positive. I promise my next post will be happier and more Positive. Thanks all for letting me get this all off my chest.

Tough Love

Ok,so I got a question for all of you that I need some help on. If you had a friend with a problem how would you handle it? Would you sit back and just let it happen or would you try to get involved and help this person even know you don't know how?

I have a friend that has a very bad drinking problem. He is a great person when he doesn't drink. But when he does it scares me because he is just not the same person.I am afraid that he is gonna drink to much and do something stupid.

He says he has got it under control but I know different. If I try to stop him he is going to be mad at me for life. But if I don't stop him I could still lose him for life and it would kill me if that happen.

I have said something to him before and he just got mad at me.I have tried to talk to someone about it and they all tell me the same thing which is that they don't know what to do. So I have come to my blog friends in I need of some help. Should I tak the chance. Of losing my friend and help him or just let him. Work it out on his own. Someone help me out cuz I am not sure what to do.

There is a song that I have been thinking about its lyrics are amazing. Hope. You like them.

"When your week,I'll be strong When you let go I'll hold you,

When you need to cry I swear that I will there to dry your eyes ,

When your lost and scared to death when you can't take one more

Step,just take my hand and together we can do this ,

I'm gonna love you through this."

I'm Back.

Yes all, it's true I am back and ready to write. Sorry I have not posted in so long but I have been super busy,and my computar is being dumb. Gotta love technology right. Anyways, I have so much to say and don't know where to start.

SO, I guess I will start with Christmas. Christmas was amazing, I hope everyone else's was as well and 2012 has started all. I can't believe it. WOW! It seems like it was just the beginning of 2011 and now it's 2012 that just kill's me. I have decided that I am going into 2012 with bells on. I am going to start the new year on a positive outlook.

Wow,another thing that has happened is that I have been working so much. Yes,that's right I have more hours. Not like I didn't have enought RIGHT. Now,I work 7 days a week and I am so beat. That is why I have not been writting,well that and like I said my computar has not been working. I thing I might have killed it. OOPS.

Anyways, this is all for now but I will be back in a day or so . I just can't stay away any longer. So I should say for tonight that is all. Night all.