To Fear Or Not To Fear.

Have you ever had a week where you just wanted to scream, well I did and it was this week and last week. It seems like nothing is going right. I just feel like I want to go out in the middle of the streets and let it all out. I hate feeling like this. I almost get mad at myself that I am letting everything get to me but I don't know what else to do. I don't know why this has to happen to me. It just seems like I can have a couple of perfect weeks and then something knocks me back on my butt again.

This month hasn't all been bad. Actually for the first couple of weeks it went good. I got out for the summer from school, I got to spend time with my family and friends , and I am going to the beach soon for a vacation which is what I need right about now.Now let me just say that I am not a person that looks at the glass half empty, actually I am just the opposite and try to look at the glass half full. Just in the last week or so has it gotten bad. Lately I have been having some technical problems with my computer(and as we all know I am not a computer expert),and I just got word today that my grandfather has to go in for another surgery to put a device in his heart to keep it working. I think that is the thing that makes me not only worry the most but scares me the most. I am just so scared right now for him and I am not afraid to admit that I am scared and upset that he has to go through something like that again. He has had to go through so much in the last couple of mounts, that I don't know how he does that.I don't know how he is just not scared. He is not scared at all, and I know that if I were in his shoes I would be. That is the biggest thing that I have been stressed over is his health,because there is always that factor of what if. Like I said I am so scared about this surgery, I just hope everything goes well.

I know that I should not worry so much and let things get to me but they do. I just feel like between this week and last week I want to go sit in a dark space and just cry. I want to cry because I am scared, and because I am mad at myself for letting me get this mad.It seems like every time I get mad I tend to cry and I am not sure why. I think it is because I just don't know what else to do, you know. I am really trying to look at the positive side to all this . The positive side is it will all soon be over soon.Thank God. I guess I just have to have faith and believe that everything is going to be ok with everything that is going on , and especially with my grandfather. Like I said I just feel like screaming, and I would do it to if I knew that people would look at me funny and I believe they would.Maby I will just stick with my first choice and sit in a dark space and just cry. That is probably what needs to happen. Hopefully this will be a better week than it was last week. I am just going to stay positive.

PS: This is one of my favorite saying and I try to live by it each and everyday.